My God...

Yep, you guessed it. More BULL. So apparently Anna and I were trying to talk as "friends" but about 2 mins ago proved that we're still bitter. The conversation started off with us laughing and jokin' stuff like that. But that facade can only hold it's weight for so long. So she starts goin' off bringin' back old laundry saying all this stuff that I did wrong to her. I'm just sitting on the phone defending myself but then after a while she gets so passionate and emotional about those feelings that I just listen as she cried and screamed at me. And I'll admit, I'll always kept this ego but this time it really hit close to home. In fact, it did so in a way like never before.
She exasperated how messed up I did her when we were broken up previously and how she was at her darkest moment but I ignored her. How she texted me saying she had a black eye but I erased those messages without reading. She called me atleast once every ten minutes and I kept ignoring the calls. I never listened to the voice-mails to about a month later. I listened to one. It was just absolute franticness . Balling would be an understatement. Saying how much she needed me. I almost cried then but didn't.
Back to today tho, she kept on balling, telling me how something always comes up where I'm late or cancel at the last minute. I'll interject here that 99% of the time it is absolutely NOT my fault. Nonetheless, someone must be blamed. I'll take that, I suppose. But I dunno, today just hit me like no other.
There's always something in life that makes you realize how you affect someone else. Maybe I'm over milking this situation because of guilt. Maybe I'm even under-considering the situation because of pride -- I dunno. But I see more than ever now that this girl LOVES me. I'm not sure if I was ready for that type of attraction. I won't go into specifics for her sake but something needs to change within' me. Something needs to change within' us all.

***

I just called her to apologize. Told her that my apology can't even begin to correct the emotional trauma I've caused but, its the most I can say. As far as actions are concerned, if there's ever a future for us, I'll have to stand outside of my ego, let go of all negativity and bitterness known as my ego, and just appreciate Anna. She's under-appreciated. Yeah, she can do some outrageous things, not have it all there sometimes and just be plain out goofy, but that girl loves me like no one else does. I call myself seeking that same love elsewhere. Neh eh. Not working.

I'm glad God slapped me in the face. Peace.