The Inevitable: Vol. 1 // Talib Kweli - Ear Drum

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Yep,

So the inevitable happened. Anna and I broke up. I would usually explain it all but I don't even feel like talkin' about it. Atypical to my usual break ups, I'm more apathetic and tired from this than saddened and sleepless. I love her but things change. We broke up yesterday afternoon. She just called me about ten minutes ago on some BULL. So, I dunno, it could go a few ways: either I suddenly wake up and realize that I made a mistake, Move on, or she'll be okay for a week (so she seems) and then RUN frantically back. That's just past experience. So, I dunno.
Relationships are interesting to me. I found myself striking a nerve when I told my sister that her and her prospective guy's situation is funny. Well shit, it was. I dunno just something about it give's me a sense of life. One of my favorite movies is Hitch. Ironically it was the first date of my first REAL relationship. One thing I have learned from relationships is never to regret anything. Things happen, it's a roller-coaster ride through the abyss' and apexes of hell but in the end, and in the beginning and middle you learn things that you would not be able to fathom from a third person perspective. That's the good side of any and every relationship, in my opinion.
From this relationship, I've learned a few things about myself. Mainly I've learned what I want. I want a lady that is pro-active, conscious, humorous, into music and is smarter than I. Now I know you're probably saying, "what the hell is wrong with this dude - self centered bastard." But, it's not like that at all. Anna made me see the faults within' my decision making. God that sounds horrible but it's the truth. It really isn't the way it sounds I assure you. I love Anna. I love her TILL DEATH, but I just couldn't take it.
You might question, what is love then? If you can't handle any situation, was it really love? I dunno. The problem is that one definition of love is NOT correct. Even God left the definition of this mysterious a bit ambiguous. I think Love is what we define it to be whether verbally or non-verbally. Love is more a force. Inescapable apparently. Kinda like how Anna used to say to me: "Once you F*** with me you're STUCK with ME!" One can deduce her personality through that statement. She is Love. I am love. Love is dependent on Hate - Love's opposite. Without hate would love be such a left feeling? Or would Love be like breathing? Effortless? Would you even want a world like that? Of course the questions of life cannot be answered merely by rhettorical questions, but it's something to think about.

***

When I was in the middle of the "You might question, what is love then?" paragraph, guess who called? Yep, Anna. I swear life is crazy. You can be so confident in one belief but love can snap that ego like it wasn't even there. In fact that ego is loves momentum. She says to me " I just wanted to tell you that it'll be okay. Whatever happens I know we'll always love eachother" See, that's the type of shit that would have prevented us from breaking up! Like that love right there was non-existent. But I guess it's a good sign. And I know I want to get back with her but I just can't get past my ego and the fact that we're not the same.
Change is good tho. Demolition is the first step to Construction. It goes to my theory (hmm..might be somebody else's initially tho lol). Destroy & Rebuild. An example: my Grandmother in New Orleans was affected by the wrath of hurricane Katrina. Her house was demolished by the city after it was destroyed by 40 ft waves. She's almost poor, not quite tho. I love her to death but it's safe to say that she could not sustain herself financially. Shes 71 and is very very active and mentally sharp as a tack. She can lift huge jugs of water, two at a time, but she's just not well off. Because of the destroy part of my theory she is now getting a BRAND NEW house (Rebuild.) She showed me the blue-prints. That's the beauty of life. The fact that the bad is good.
The beneficial equilibrium of the Destroy and Rebuild theory can be applied to my situation. Anna and I are not together and had a falling out (destroy) now perhaps since we know about our issues and reasons of displeasure we can rebuild into something better 100 fold.
And you thought this blog would be negative lol See that's why you just have to love life and have patience -- It is key. In the words of my favorite quote: "If you're going through hell, keep GOING."

Shout out to Cody.