PUKE!

Wow, so last night definitely was bananas. Oh for the record, I don't drink. But man I got so messed up last night! My friend Michalene challenged me. Words of advise: If someone challenges you in drinking...LET THEM WIN. All I know is I was just downing vodka like it was nothing. I got back to my dorm somehow and passed out. Woke up getting ready for class and walked out...saw where I throwup ALL on the floor. Someone semi-cleaned it up. I was still drunk. It was just bad. Talking to teachers drunk and stuff. Def. not doing that shit again. I gotta get my life together! Can't be living like this all the time.
Anyways, I decided not to elaborate on my relationship thing. Anna and I are cool. We're not together but we're doing well.
Otherwise, I've just been in school trying to improve my grades a bit. Been slipping sort of. I'm sure I'll be okay. Oh and my advisor is a complete BITCH. Aint no censoring that. It's the truth. I can't believe her. But yeah, that's it for this post. Don't feeling like typing anymore lol. EZ!

I don't know if she FAN or HOE...

Warning: if you've read any previous posts prepare to be F***** up.

***

SIGH....My god, where to start. Okay so you know how I was moping over me being mean to Anna and all. Get this scenario:

Last night: Earlier in the week I asked Anna to go to the movies. She accepted. I pick her up. She was hungry and asked for some McDonalds. I bought her some. We drove to Town Center and saw "Superbad" (ironically - Cody). She basically cried through the whole movie. I'm sitting here thinking it was because we weren't together and it brought back memories of us in the past, I suppose when we were together and happy. I don't think that was the case. I kept getting text messages and for some reason she kept trying to see who it was that was texting me. I moved my phone out of the way and she balled up and sat in another seat pouting! haha So, bare with me.
The movie ended. Pretty decent movie. We walk back to the car she has on the jacket I bought for her. There's not much dialogue here. We drive home in almost complete silence for some reason. I was silent because I trying to listen to my engine which making the most peculiar noise. lol She was quiet - I'm not sure why.
But when I dropped her off I got a call from one of her friends. Ironically one of the ones that she'd been partying with for the past two weeks and a few days.

***

I've had a few conversations since after I began writing this post. Let me re-think this and I'll return with the finale.

Gorilla Zoe - Welcome to the Zoo // My BUUHH!

http://rapidshare.com/files/57216960/Gorilla_Zoe_
-_Welcome_To_The_Zoo.zip

Todays, been pretty good so far. I just heard about a weekly Halo tournament that's goin down every Thursday. And yes, that is today my friend. As for Anna and I, we talked a few times. We're going out Saturday night but we'll see what comes of that, if anything.
If I may digress, Anna went to Jordan for a month to visit her family. While she was there we were talking and such on the phone. Well to make a long story short, her bill came up to around 800+ Bucks! She managed to pay about 200+- of it leaving her with a balance of about 800. Well, she's been hanging out with some cool people apparently. When she left their place last night and went home, they all pitched in and came up with 500 dollars. I mean, damn, thats cool as SHIT! But, it kind of lowers MY value ya know lol. As you may tell, I still like Anna (duh) but I dunno. Seems like she hit the jackpot with this pack of friends and I'm just little old me. I hope her love for me wasn't monatary, but I DO know that Anna is weak when it comes to money. She has told me countless times that money leads to happiness. SO I dunno. I'll wait this one out. What do you think?

My God...

Yep, you guessed it. More BULL. So apparently Anna and I were trying to talk as "friends" but about 2 mins ago proved that we're still bitter. The conversation started off with us laughing and jokin' stuff like that. But that facade can only hold it's weight for so long. So she starts goin' off bringin' back old laundry saying all this stuff that I did wrong to her. I'm just sitting on the phone defending myself but then after a while she gets so passionate and emotional about those feelings that I just listen as she cried and screamed at me. And I'll admit, I'll always kept this ego but this time it really hit close to home. In fact, it did so in a way like never before.
She exasperated how messed up I did her when we were broken up previously and how she was at her darkest moment but I ignored her. How she texted me saying she had a black eye but I erased those messages without reading. She called me atleast once every ten minutes and I kept ignoring the calls. I never listened to the voice-mails to about a month later. I listened to one. It was just absolute franticness . Balling would be an understatement. Saying how much she needed me. I almost cried then but didn't.
Back to today tho, she kept on balling, telling me how something always comes up where I'm late or cancel at the last minute. I'll interject here that 99% of the time it is absolutely NOT my fault. Nonetheless, someone must be blamed. I'll take that, I suppose. But I dunno, today just hit me like no other.
There's always something in life that makes you realize how you affect someone else. Maybe I'm over milking this situation because of guilt. Maybe I'm even under-considering the situation because of pride -- I dunno. But I see more than ever now that this girl LOVES me. I'm not sure if I was ready for that type of attraction. I won't go into specifics for her sake but something needs to change within' me. Something needs to change within' us all.

***

I just called her to apologize. Told her that my apology can't even begin to correct the emotional trauma I've caused but, its the most I can say. As far as actions are concerned, if there's ever a future for us, I'll have to stand outside of my ego, let go of all negativity and bitterness known as my ego, and just appreciate Anna. She's under-appreciated. Yeah, she can do some outrageous things, not have it all there sometimes and just be plain out goofy, but that girl loves me like no one else does. I call myself seeking that same love elsewhere. Neh eh. Not working.

I'm glad God slapped me in the face. Peace.

The Inevitable: Vol. 1 // Talib Kweli - Ear Drum

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=YLBSI3OF
Password: www.rapgodfathers.com

Yep,

So the inevitable happened. Anna and I broke up. I would usually explain it all but I don't even feel like talkin' about it. Atypical to my usual break ups, I'm more apathetic and tired from this than saddened and sleepless. I love her but things change. We broke up yesterday afternoon. She just called me about ten minutes ago on some BULL. So, I dunno, it could go a few ways: either I suddenly wake up and realize that I made a mistake, Move on, or she'll be okay for a week (so she seems) and then RUN frantically back. That's just past experience. So, I dunno.
Relationships are interesting to me. I found myself striking a nerve when I told my sister that her and her prospective guy's situation is funny. Well shit, it was. I dunno just something about it give's me a sense of life. One of my favorite movies is Hitch. Ironically it was the first date of my first REAL relationship. One thing I have learned from relationships is never to regret anything. Things happen, it's a roller-coaster ride through the abyss' and apexes of hell but in the end, and in the beginning and middle you learn things that you would not be able to fathom from a third person perspective. That's the good side of any and every relationship, in my opinion.
From this relationship, I've learned a few things about myself. Mainly I've learned what I want. I want a lady that is pro-active, conscious, humorous, into music and is smarter than I. Now I know you're probably saying, "what the hell is wrong with this dude - self centered bastard." But, it's not like that at all. Anna made me see the faults within' my decision making. God that sounds horrible but it's the truth. It really isn't the way it sounds I assure you. I love Anna. I love her TILL DEATH, but I just couldn't take it.
You might question, what is love then? If you can't handle any situation, was it really love? I dunno. The problem is that one definition of love is NOT correct. Even God left the definition of this mysterious a bit ambiguous. I think Love is what we define it to be whether verbally or non-verbally. Love is more a force. Inescapable apparently. Kinda like how Anna used to say to me: "Once you F*** with me you're STUCK with ME!" One can deduce her personality through that statement. She is Love. I am love. Love is dependent on Hate - Love's opposite. Without hate would love be such a left feeling? Or would Love be like breathing? Effortless? Would you even want a world like that? Of course the questions of life cannot be answered merely by rhettorical questions, but it's something to think about.

***

When I was in the middle of the "You might question, what is love then?" paragraph, guess who called? Yep, Anna. I swear life is crazy. You can be so confident in one belief but love can snap that ego like it wasn't even there. In fact that ego is loves momentum. She says to me " I just wanted to tell you that it'll be okay. Whatever happens I know we'll always love eachother" See, that's the type of shit that would have prevented us from breaking up! Like that love right there was non-existent. But I guess it's a good sign. And I know I want to get back with her but I just can't get past my ego and the fact that we're not the same.
Change is good tho. Demolition is the first step to Construction. It goes to my theory (hmm..might be somebody else's initially tho lol). Destroy & Rebuild. An example: my Grandmother in New Orleans was affected by the wrath of hurricane Katrina. Her house was demolished by the city after it was destroyed by 40 ft waves. She's almost poor, not quite tho. I love her to death but it's safe to say that she could not sustain herself financially. Shes 71 and is very very active and mentally sharp as a tack. She can lift huge jugs of water, two at a time, but she's just not well off. Because of the destroy part of my theory she is now getting a BRAND NEW house (Rebuild.) She showed me the blue-prints. That's the beauty of life. The fact that the bad is good.
The beneficial equilibrium of the Destroy and Rebuild theory can be applied to my situation. Anna and I are not together and had a falling out (destroy) now perhaps since we know about our issues and reasons of displeasure we can rebuild into something better 100 fold.
And you thought this blog would be negative lol See that's why you just have to love life and have patience -- It is key. In the words of my favorite quote: "If you're going through hell, keep GOING."

Shout out to Cody.

Don't worry about what this is...

Just click it...apparently I'll get some money if you do lol ;-)

will.i.am - Song's About Girls (As Promised)

http://rapidshare.com/files/57321719/WIASAG.rar

Not really my style, but I've been learning to respect the man I hate to love, will.i.am. IE the work he did on Common and Talib's albums respectively. SO, I took a few listen's to a few of the tracks. So far it sounds pretty good. I was in Club Blue last night and heard what I think is his new single with Fergie. Think it's called "From My Momma" or something like that. HA A play (intentional or not) of an old Nawlin's anthem, "From her momma" LOL Can't remember if it was Cash Money or No Limit. I think it was Cash Money. haha Dunno. Anyways, Peep it. It doesn't come out for a while, so you can be cool and bump it around your friends and be the only one. I dunno. Aight Peace!

Thursdays are...

The SHIT in Warrensburg for a UCM college student. You know why? Cuz it's the day when people (mostly) go out and do what college students do best. Party!!! So yeah, I'm sittin' here doin' some last minute marketing ish. My daily obligatories -- ya know, for the starving/aspiring artist.

Oh shoot! Yo, last night I recorded this song called "Old Man." That song is hands down my favorite I've recorded in the LONGEST. It felt so good. I'll have to put it up on my *NEW* - dun duh duh DUN! - Phantom* Widget that's in the top center of this blog. ;-) Anyways, That's it for now. I think I'm gunna put Will.i.am's new CD up tomorrow. Sound Dope? 

Aight, well I'm about to go to the front desk to see of my Barack Obama Student Package is here. I'll holla! Peace.

thePhantom* - Release

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=7B7Y68SR
Password: www.myspace.com/thephantom816

This is MY album. If you haven't read by now, I rap. So, usually I'll give a little background info/review of an album that I post but I don't want to lol So, I'm gunna put a quick review of my album. I will say that this is my forth album and is my best yet. I worked on it for two years so it was very much so a journey. It's very abstract and futuristic yet realistic and soulful. Oh, shout out to Abeo Rzo for the unmatched artwork and assistance creatively and beat wise.

NOW: To compare The Phantom* to a Lupe, Kanye, or even KRS would be a complement in short, but the bases of the comparison would have to be thoroughly justified. Yes, all of the artists collectively have contributed to the transformation of hip-hop into a new era, but what sets The Phantom* apart is his understanding and appreciation of music and spoken word as true art forms. In his inaugural LP ‘Release’, The Phantom* marries both aesthetics and creates a fresh innovative sound that shines the potential of the progressive wave of hip-hop. The versatility in his artistry is shown through tracks like ‘Destroy and Rebuild’ and ‘Couchasaflava’. To categorize The Phantom* and his work would be a task secondary to truth because his work can stand on its own merit.

Ashley Cleveland-
Atlanta, GA
(Founder of Tafari Jirani Theatre)

Once again if you missed it:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=7B7Y68SR

CunninLynguists - Dirty Acres

http://rapidshare.com/files/56693599/CunninLynguists-Dirty_
Acres__Advance_-2007.rar

So yeah, I told you we sharin'! Anyways CunninLyguists are one of my favorite groups. Decon (the rapper) is from KY and has the best of both worlds. Has that southern twang with incredible lyrics. Kno (the producer) is one of the most underrated producers in the game right now. You'll see dude is a monster! I highly recommend their previous album "A Piece of Strange." One of my favorite albums of all time. It's so smooth. But yeah, peep that! I have yet to listen to it but it should be dope lol.

Aint this a...

Bitch! Aight so me and Anna just got into a pretty big fight. Here's how it went. Okay so if you know me you should know that I'm really close to my girlfriend. I mean we usually talk like 6 hours a day. She's my sunshine! But recently I went back to school to UCM, a college about 35 mins from home, and things been changin. I mean we used to see eachother, what, every other day? So yeah I know, that's pretty typical but it's not like that. I've only been doing work and music and haven't even thought about messin' with other girls blah blah blah. So it's not what you think. It's just I think I've became dependent of Anna and very comfortable with our relationship. Almost to the point where I get jealous when she hangs out with her friends!
Okay, so basically Anna's been hanging out with her friend *no name* and *no name2* ALOT more recently. And trust me, both of the no names are very cool people and I have a lot of fun when I'm around them etc. BUT, they USUALLY get F***** up...well...everynight! And so, I've just been wondering if this 45 min distance and not seeing eachother as much is a sign that..hmm..maybe this isn't working for her. That this...new "hobby?" is some sort of rectification. I dunno.
I'm slightly deviating tho. Basically I semi-blew up. Okay here was my thing, and you can call me overprotective, anal or whatever, but all I asked is that she in any fashion let me know that she was okay - periodically. I mean that could be twice a night. That's all I asked. Sound hard? Well apparently so.
So here's how it went: Before she went out she told she was going out. Okay I was really happy she did that! So, a few hours roll around and I don't here from her. My girlfriend has a little tendency of going out of control with some things. I love her to death and I really don't want to imagine myself without her so I have an insatiable and downright innocent need to know that she's okay. Also, she has this convenient ability to forget her phone. So I'm sitting there calling and texting and there's no reply. I'm like hmm. Doesn't exactly inspire confidence, right? I mean am I justified here?
I mean add this up. Anna + Alcohol + Silence + Late night + Not answering the phone + Not texting back = me worrying. Make since? I mean, am I a bad boy friend because of that? I dunno. I actually just got this voice in my head that told me not to worry so much. Here's what I did tho.
So I text her friend no name and ask if she was okay. And she said yeah. THATS ALL I NEEDED FROM ANNA! haha So I tell her, "tell anna I she doesn't have to call me back" Guess what? NOW she calls and is all like I was busy and my phone was in the other room (convieniently.) So I'm like, all I needed was five seconds to say "I'm okay baby" BAM! Woulda had a good night. But no we end up crashing and burning on this independent shit.
She's like "I don't have to do this." Wait. What don't you have to do? Explain "this." I mean shit we LOVE eachother. We are interlocked. "This" is what I have to do and that should be mutual with you, right?
So I'm thinking she's on this independent trip now where's she's unknowingly distanced herself from me. I think it's because I'm in school and see her less. We used to talk every morning. I would call her after every class. She'd answer. We used to watch a movie on the phone on TV lol I mean little stuff like that is just gone. And I miss that. :-(. All because I just want to know if she's okay -- Miscommunication. So the moral of this story is Communication is VITAL for a healthy relationship. If not, you have MIS-Communication.
So, enough of the boring stuff. I had to get this off of my chest. Thanks for reading this (if anyone did lol)

So...I've always pirated from Blogger..

...but I've never really thought about starting my own. I suppose I should explain a little about me. My govt. name is Kemet Coleman but I will from hereon out go by thePhantom* -- my vicious alias. lol Yeah right. But anyways, I suppose my main motivation for my blogger is to share! I think that we all needa do it more. Now, depending on your perception, you either call sharing organized theivery or..um..cool lol so, if you wanna take and don't wanna do a lot of giving you're actually in the right place. 

   So yeah, I'll be talkin' a buncha shit on here. I feel like this is one avenue where I can do so freely. I usually don't like to curse or say anything demeaning but I won't have to much discretion on this thing. Don't be offended. 

   Okay, I am what some call a renaissance man. I am all of the following: Rapper, Singer, Poet, Producer, Orator, Painter, Graphic Artists, Designer, Writer, Actor (this should have been earlier in the list lol) Dry Comedian lol. There you have it. I mostly do music. That is my first passion and the one with the most promenence in my life right now. Secondly would have to be acting. I do it...fairly well (or some say.) So, me being a starving artist I want people to hear my SHIT! So, since I am pro-stealing (lmao) I want you to steal my album:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=7B7Y68SR

Password: www.myspace.com/thephantom816

So, if you haven't seen it yet, my myspace page is 816...wow almost gave my phone number. It's www.myspace.com/thephantom816 - it's actually the best way to get ahold of me.

Well, I believe that shall be it as for this first post. Just kinda testin' the waters and stuff. So yeah, if you're reading this...you're cool? haha Whatever. Aight. Peace!